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Feral Goblins! A warning to all

May 31, 2017

 

Hello readers, or listeners to someone who knows how to read this to you! Life is pretty hectic out there in our little corner of the world, the place we call Elysium, and I have to say, it hasn’t been easy keeping our heads from the chopping block lately. To all of you still alive today I congratulate you on still being around to read/listen to this. The Warbands have clashed time and again, and it doesn’t matter if you hail from Sonnenland or if you happen to count yourself among the Wrenborn, we could all use a little help dealing with the difficulties this land has thrown at us. So, while I’m still lucky enough to be drawing breath and traversing this magical place, I’ll attempt to impart some helpful advice and even answer some of your questions. Today’s advice: Beware feral Goblins!

 

Now I’m not talking about the goblins you may have seen around towns, or working for warbands as guides and what not, I’m talking about the little crazy critters from deep in the forests and caves who have spent their entire lives like a feral animal. This may seem like an obvious piece, but many unlucky travellers have found themselves stuck at the end of one of their little sharp weapons and either died quickly from their wounds, or survived only to be brought down with “the goblin fever”. See those little bastards don’t really clean or maintain their weapons in any way shape or form. They simply go from place to place stabbing or slashing ‘til the thing breaks, and then they steal something else. They use them to cut up their food: rats, birds, and every other small animal they can get their grubby little claws on. They use them as surgical equipment on themselves in their really foul way of medical treatment. They have even been seen to use them as crude tools, sometimes like shovels cleaning their very own excrement away from where they intend to camp. So, all that muck, filth and disease is basically encrusted on their blades, making any sort of wound from these little monsters instantly become infected. Fever sets in and if you’re not seen by some sort of healer soon, eventually you will succumb to its effects and leave behind the next bit of carrion they will feast on. See they don’t have to kill you with those attacks they throw at you and your companions, they just have to wound you, then track you until you fall to the fever, then they rush in and finish you off. For dim witted creatures, they have developed a very crude but efficient way of hunting, and seeing as how they are basically immune to all forms of sickness and disease, these feral goblins have the potential to be carrying even the deadliest of sicknesses, waiting to infect their next unlucky target.

 

My advice? Cripple the most expendable member of your traveling group. Simple. The little feral goblins don’t require much to keep them fed, and one member of your party will be more than enough to keep attentions entertained and their appetites filled, allowing you and the rest of your companions to be on your way without the threat of a small cut turning into the next “Yellow eyed sickness”. I mean really? Who travels with only their closest compatriots? There is always that one you bring along in case you get stranded without food in the vast wilderness. You know that one who is only there because they have a little more meat on their bones, and could see you and your group through a cold winter if you had too. . . you know. Yeah you know what I mean. Anyways, sacrificing this emergency backup ration will buy your crew time to get away without a confrontation, and that is the safest way to deal with a feral goblin.

 

Thanks for reading, and I invite you to send me your quandaries so that I may impart any useful knowledge I have gained in the matter. Your messenger bird should be sent to: Richiewarsong@gmail.com

Or passed into my hands via messenger, if you don’t value that messenger’s life or wellbeing that is.

 

Until next time

Parn of the Long Feather.

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